All signed up

Well, I just signed up for unemployment. Why do I feel a sense of shame? I didn't do anything wrong. The good news is that unemployment is now direct-deposit-able. Nice.

Now I just need to start opening up envelopes that have come in the mail. Health insurance, life insurance, 401(k) rollovers... unemployment is a paperwork nightmare. Good thing I've got all this time off to get it done! Though one of the reasons I haven't opened envelopes is because the hubs is out of town, and I'm rollin' "single mom style." Yeah, tomes of important papers should not be kept around a three year old. Besides, opening them and filling that stuff out makes it all the more real.

Speaking of reality... it's starting to sink in a bit more. I've gotten confused on which day of the week it is. That's easy enough to do when you aren't counting down to friday. I'm not counting down to friday anymore. The day of the week is relatively unimportant. Though school starts up for my almost second-grader, so I'll get back into the day of the week thing at that time.

I got my last paycheck today. I also had an attorney send in papers to negotiate my severance pay. We'll see how that goes. I'd been struggling with the decision on whether or not to sue for a miriad of reasons, and decided to try a quicker, cheaper, and emotionally easier route to standing up for myself. Maybe I'll get into those reasons on a later date. To delve into them now would set me back.

Back to the Unemployment ... now I have to start looking for work. Ultimately, I'd like to get back into school. So what's a girl to do? Apply for jobs she's not qualified for? Apply for jobs she IS qualified for? I've never been a good liar or cheat. I'll probably end up applying for jobs I could get. I did see a really cool looking one in Sandpoint. Though it was taken. Alas. It paid more than twice what I was making, and looked like essentially the same job. Well... I want to change industries, anyway.

Last time I was on unemployment, I though I'd be able to "ride" it for a while and stay home with my baby. I was 7 months pregnant when I was laid off for the first time. When I got home from a 4 day stay in the hospital with him, I had a message on the answering machine requesting an interview. Now I'm laid off from THAT job. My oldest was 9 weeks old when I started there.

I got my CDs in the mail with the information from my old work computer today. *sigh* Soon enough all the activity will be done, and I'll just be another chick without a job...with this lame sense of shame. Like I'm not good enough. I'm not as good or as valuable as I'd thought. Though some very lovely people have encouraged me that I AM. That it's not ME. After seven years of being underpaid, of not being recognized for what I did or was capable of... it's hard to believe. But I'm working on it. I have to. I have a great future ahead of me, and I won't get there with THIS mindset.